So, part of exploring was connecting with persons of the opposite gender, first with Alice. No, I was not running around jumping in bed with anyone; in fact, I lived a celibate life, while I served inmates at the local jail as a part-time Chaplain. Yet, one way I explored over the following years was through sensual, sometimes highly sexual, poetry, and often I used this poetry to speak of relationship with the Beloved - not a human person. With Alice, I see it to be both. But, again, in my tradition this is just what has been done with that absolutely dripping-with sex book called "The Song of Songs" or "The Song of Solomon." - Now, the Church just could not admit the obvious - the book is about intense, erotic, and spiritual love between a man and woman. So, the Church gave it an only-'religious' meaning, such as between the soul and Christ. I had already ventured in this direction of using erotic poetry to speak of spiritual Union, and had seen how this was part of the 'hidden' tradition in the Church. I had published my book An Ache for Union, in 2003. When my teenage nephew got a copy, he picked up the phone and started reading poems from it to his teenage sweetheart, the poetry was so sensual and sexual, though intended to be to the Beloved, not a human. After the Pastor-life, however, I slowly began working with more 'intense' images of eroticism, which mirrored my own growth into appreciation for the sacredness of body, sex, and sex-sharing in true Love - thankfully, still not agreeing with the free-love motto of hippies of my childhood. Sex was still to me a sacred sharing between the totality of persons, not merely a physical act, which would be only lust.

I met Alice, and she already had a boyfriend. She was beautiful, but highly sensitive and often her eyes spoke of lostness, sadness, like she just could not find a place in this world to call her own. She, at times, looked like a mature adult, serious-minded, at other times, she looked like a playful, happy youth much younger than her age. We would meditate together, and the meditation was not in agreement with that she had someone else she claimed to be committed to. The meditation was spiritual and sensual. I hesitated with this inner exploration, but felt it time to say "Yes" and let myself move beyond the borders of past reticence. I sensed I needed to learn something, and time had come to take the risk to drop the deeply-acculturated guilt-complex over body, sex, and sensuality. Also, I sincerely felt deeply-committed to Christ - so, even as when a child, I did not want to violate my allegiance to Him. With mixed thoughts on the matter, I ventured beyond the safe border into the depths of intimate exploration at a depth of soul I had not before, much like Mahayana Tantric practice I was aware of in Buddhism, where advanced practitioners seek an energy-connection and integration of all life-energies through silent meditation and visualizations.

Alice and I did not know each other for long, she was too committed to the other man, but not too committed to send me one day a picture of herself in what we called in my upbringing her 'birthday' suit. I was shocked, but realized that was part of what made Alice so attractive - her innocence. I think this all spoke that there was an Alice that wanted to be seen and accepted and loved, and not about the body at all. So, possibly, she was saying I trust you to see me, and fully accept me. That is what I think. I sensed her soul, and had long gotten over this idea that the body is a major problem and needs to be kept tightly wrapped in clothing - after all, in my tradition, Adam and Eve seemed quite alright with running around in Eden butt naked, as we would say in my family home.

Well, what came from this brief and playful, and spiritual, sharing between Alice and me, was poetry. And I taught Alice in writing poetry; and Alice was soon writing amazingly beautiful poetry. When I wrote to Alice, the poetry flowed as though a part of me that had been gagged all its life was finally sharing itself, coming out of a dungeon and yelling into the Light - "Hey! I'm here!" So, it seems, Alice and I were going through a similar coming out.

And I noticed, I could not - never have been able - to separate my poetry from my childhood faith. For my life, though transforming over time, has always been about being in Love with Love. Alice reminded me of this. Jesus represented to me, in that little Baptist church in 1968, when I walked an aisle and through copious tears said "Yes" to the most amazing Friend I could ever meet, the same Love that I shared with Alice, she with me, and lives inside me always, is the Love that shows up through so many different faces and in so many different places.

* * *

Here, words written to Alice from a longer poem, and reflecting, like still Moon on moving waters, Grace that loves us each and enflames within us a Flame of Love to share with others...

I feel memories like phantoms in the dark,
flowers opening with scents of sweet Grace

I am the bee, fluttering over You, calling,
"Open, Open, my Flower, open to me"

You the bud whose beauty inside summoned
to span time and distance to see

To know what dream lives inside us each, beckoning,
in words our tongues can not say ...-

Taken inside, dawn lifts its Smile
You open, a gladsome veil, to the Day

Finding You, finally, among the Lilies
We fall into each other, abandoned and free

* * *

*Move cursor over pictures for photographer and title.